This may be a little complicated, as are my family dynamics. So just try and stick with me. Me, 21. My brother “Joe” 28, my mom, and my step dad (his bio dad). His father raised me as his daughter along side my brother because my biological dad is a deadbeat no show. My brother and I have always had a fine relationship. Nothing out of the ordinary. Our “dad” is an orthodox jew. We were both raised orthodox however we both strayed away from it at some point.
His history: He was kicked out of private high school and went to public. Then he went to three Ivy league colleges. He was as far from religious as they get. He had girlfriends, drank, smoked, and had sex. He partied and studied psychology. He had a bit of a strained relationship with our mom at this point as she was going through a divorce with her third husband. I’m not sure the details because I was maybe 14 at the time. But I do know they have a strained relationship.
About 3 years ago he went to Israel and found himself. He decided his true calling was to drop his degree and high paying job and become a Rabbi. He moves back in with our dad and studies literally 24/7 to become a man of God and what not. He ends up moving to NJ to an ultra religious community and study under very well respected people in the Jewish community. We talk about once a week at this point.
In the middle of last year I called him and shared the news that I was excpecting. We start talking more and growing closer. About 2 months after I give birth I drive 3 hours each way to visit him so he can see my son. Everything is dandy, we speak regularly and all is well or so I thought.
Now: Friday I get a call from my mom asking me if I knew he was married. I had no idea. It turns out he got engaged August 30th and married last thursday. He was in town the whole past week. He didn’t call me until right before the sabbath when he knew I wouldn’t answer. He left this morning and called me from Boston.
He visited my 7 year old sister and OUR EX step dad. He spent the whole week with our father who lives 15 minutes away from me. I was not invited to one thing. Hell, I didn’t even know he got married until Friday. I never even knew he was engaged. For what it’s worth I’m about 90% sure this was an arranged marriage.
I’m extremely hurt and offended. No one told me. At first I though it might be because I’m not religious, well our ex-step dad is even less religious. My grandma was at the wedding who isn’t even jewish at all.
He called me today after he was already back home, and I was on speaker phone with him and her the whole time (he informed me) so I felt cornered and like I couldnt geniunley speak to him heart to heart. To me she’s a stranger, I found out her name then for the first time.
I sent him a message saying ‘I love you very much and wish nothing but happiness to you and your new wife. I feel hurt that I was the last to know. I feel extremely rejected. You were in town for a week and saw everyone except me and mom. Grandma even sent me pictures. It hurts but you are my brother and I love you and wish you nothing but the best and many more simchas (celebrations) to come.”
To which he responded “Sorry.”
I don’t know what to do. I’m pissed beyond belief. I didn’t get to witness my only brother get married, hell, I wasn’t even invited. I kind of don’t want to speak to him again.
Is this worth cutting contact over? Should I even try to reach out to him? Do I have a right to be as hurt as I am?
