AITA for lying to my dying husband & destroying his parents life?

In a quiet Texas town, a young mother stood by her husband’s bedside, her heart heavy with grief. Her husband, battling a rare and merciless cancer, clung to a dream of raising their two young children in his childhood home, surrounded by wide-open plains and family ties. But when tragedy struck, she faced an impossible choice: honor his fading wish or secure a stable future for their kids. Her decision to lie and move to Canada sparked a firestorm with her in-laws, leaving readers wondering—did she betray a sacred promise, or protect her family’s future?

The weight of her choice resonates deeply, tugging at anyone who’s faced a moral crossroads. With her husband gone and her in-laws’ accusations echoing, this story unfolds a raw, emotional dilemma about love, loss, and loyalty. What would you do when love demands a lie?

Me (31 F) & kids (2 F, 4 M) moved with my husband (31 M) from where we met, married & had our children in California to Texas. We always said we would raise our kids in small town Texas where my husband grew up. It was his dream & I was happy to support him!
When we moved – to a house a few blocks away from his parents – we thought we would be getting some help from his parents with the kids. They babysat the oldest twice in 8 months. They showed very little interest in the kids but had my husband over multiple times a week doing things for them (they are in their 60s & in good health) & did come over to dinner a few times.
He adored his parents & they adored him. Their only child. Their golden boy. My husband was diagnosed with a rare cancer that was terminal earlier in the year. He died within 5 weeks of diagnosis. It was tragic & I am still in shock. When he was dying he was in a great deal of pain & on morphine & wasn’t always coherent or thinking straight.
However he told me his parents were devastated I would move the kids back to where I grew up in Canada & they wouldn’t be able to watch the kids grow up. Well…that was my exact plan. My parents are the most amazing grandparents & help my sister out a lot (2 days a week of full babysitting!) & would do the same for me.
Canada has a great education & healthcare system & my siblings & parents are live near each other so the kids and I would have a support network. I lied to my husband. I told him I would stay & raise the kids as Texans as we had planned. He was in so much pain & distress & I couldn’t add to it. I chose the easy way out.
2 weeks after the funeral I moved my sweet babies home to Canada. My parents in law are now telling everyone I betrayed a dying man’s last wish. I have told them we will visit every year & they are welcome to visit us in Canada whenever they wish. They don’t care – they said I have broken their family.. AITA for lying to my dying husband & breaking up his family?

Grief can twist even the simplest decisions into a maze of guilt and doubt. This widow’s choice to lie to her dying husband and relocate her children to Canada reflects a deeper struggle: balancing personal loss with parental responsibility. Her in-laws’ anger is understandable—they lost their only child and now feel cut off from their grandchildren. Yet, her decision prioritizes her children’s stability, leaning on her supportive family in Canada. Both sides carry valid pain, but the clash stems from raw grief, not malice.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Reddit’s AITA community didn’t hold back, dishing out candid takes with a sprinkle of humor. Here are the top voices weighing in on this emotional saga:

oasinocean − NTA. If I had the option to grow up in Canada or Texas I would obviously choose Canada. And this last part may seem a bit callous but: dead people don’t care what happens after they die because they are dead.
milee30 − NTA. You need help and support. Your husband was unfortunately (and not his fault at all) not able to think clearly due to pain and drugs and asked you to do something he might not have even wanted you to do if he weren't in pain and on drugs.
Surely he'd want you to be supported and cared for... which will happen if you move back to Canada. I'm so sorry for your loss. You deserve some care now, take care of yourself and don't give this a second thought.
bofh000 − NTA, even if they had been great, really involved as grandparents, you are the kids’ mother and you decide where it is better for them to grow up. Let’s hope it’s just the grief speaking and they come around. Otherwise... sorry to sound ominous, but I wouldn’t let them be with the kids alone when you visit - they will try and badmouth you to them.
DemonDevi728 − NAH. It was kind not to tell your husband a truth that would only cause more distress, and moving closer to your support system in this difficult time is a very reasonable thing to do. It's hard to cater to everyone whenthe family is so spread out, so you should think of your children and yourself first.
Besides, if you stayed, your parents would be in the position your in-laws are in now, so either situation would be unfair to *someone*. Better do what's best for your kids and be closer to people that can support you.
rosiesunfunhouse − NTA. You need support and you need to do what is best for you so that you can in turn do the best for your children. If the best for you is moving back to Canada, do it. Additionally, if they want to watch the kids grow up they should visit.
[Reddit User] − NTA- they’re horribly guilt tripping you. You are a kind person and you and your kids deserve as much support as you can find. I’m sorry for your loss.
abushelofpotatoes − Ehhhhh, NTA They’re your kids you do what you think is right, the in-laws will never not be devastated about losing their only child. It is what it is
MeddlingKids1126 − NTA, unless they wanna pay for the kids healthcare themselves Canada is best 👌
YATA2020 − NTA As much as I’m Sure you loved your husband, you are your kids’ only living parent. Your side of the family is in Canada, and that’s where you feel is best to raise your kids, now that he’s gone.. Don’t worry about it, even one more day. YOU are their mom. That’s all you need to say.
pinkgreen22 − What is with these titles

These Reddit hot takes pack a punch, but do they capture the full picture of grief and tough choices? The community leans hard into supporting the widow, but real life is rarely so black-and-white.

This story leaves us tangled in a web of empathy and ethics. The widow’s lie was born of love, yet it fractured a grieving family. Was she right to prioritize her children’s future over her husband’s dying wish? Her in-laws’ pain is real, but so is her need for support. What would you do if forced to choose between a promise to a loved one and your family’s stability? Share your thoughts—have you ever faced a similar dilemma?

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