From childhood to early adulthood, the longing for parental love can echo loudly in the silence of neglect. Growing up as a twin, I witnessed my sister bask in the gentle affection and support our father readily gave her—stories of father-daughter dates, endless cuddles, and heartfelt “I love yous.”
For me, however, the praise came in the form of gruff orders to be “tough,” with little room for vulnerability. As a 22-year-old man, these long-held wounds compelled me to voice what had been festering inside: I am not a toy to be taken out when needed and discarded once my usefulness ends.
In an effort to finally assert my self-worth and demand the emotional support I always deserved, I confronted my father. With all the courage I could muster, I told him exactly what I felt. This confrontation marks a turning point—a plea for a genuine father-son connection rather than the functional, one-sided arrangement that had defined our relationship for far too long.
‘AITA for telling my dad I’m not a toy he can take out when he needs me and discard once I’ve served my purpose?’
Family therapist Dr. Lynn Matthews explains, “A parent’s failure to provide emotional warmth can deeply impact a child’s sense of worth and identity, irrespective of gender. It’s important that children, regardless of being raised as boys or girls, receive nurturing and affirmations of love.”
Dr. Matthews points out that generational stereotypes—such as the belief that boys should be tough and emotionless—can cause lasting damage. She adds, “When a child is constantly expected to suppress emotions, it can lead to feelings of rejection and abandonment.
The healthy approach is to validate emotional experiences and create an environment where vulnerability is met with care, not disdain.” Dr. Matthews commends the OP’s decision to speak up and set clear boundaries with his father, noting that establishing such limits is essential for healing and building a more equitable relationship. The hope is that this honest confrontation can spark meaningful change, allowing both parties to rebuild their connection on more compassionate terms.
