Even asking her to come over just two days after I had given birth to our 3rd child together & while I was still at the hospital. my heart is shattered.
I just found out only two days after getting released from the hospital after giving birth to our 3rd child together that my boyfriend of the last 10 years (&15 years total!) has been invested in this “emotional affair” with his MARRIED PREGNANT EX that he dated for a whole 5 minutes when him & I had broken up for 7 months & they only dated for 3 months then ultimately broke up with her to get back with me .. & apparently it’s been going on for the entire last year & a half while I was pregnant with our third child & apparently had cheated on me with her physically while I was pregnant with our second child back in 2023 & had cheated on me with her also back in 2021 (in this instance I later found out that he unintentionally got his married affair partner pregnant but she subsequently had a miscarriage)-[Thank God!!!!]
But this was soon after he made this loser fuckboy “friend” that was a lying, cheating on his fiancé & dealing meth while not taking care of his two kids & using his fiancé for everything he could .. he was the lowest of the low on terms of even being considered a “real man or respectable parent or partner” & once my boyfriend started hanging out with him on a regular basis the only way I can explain it is that everything that I thought I knew to be true in my life was flipped upside down when I discovered his affair because I was completely blindsided by it. & after I found out each time, I would take the kids & go to my moms & he would just blow upon my phone begging me to give him another chance & promised “to spend every day of the rest of our lives together trying to make it up to me & making sure I know how much I mean to him & how truly sorry he was for the pain he caused me” & would call hundreds of times leaving me voicemails while crying begging me to just pleased come back home & let me give him the opportunity to prove to me that i mean everything to him” & with how deeply i love this man & with how many years i have invested all of my time, effort, energy & love with him i truly wanted to believe what he was saying was true .. even after it has now happened 3 times over the last 4 years time .. BUTTT THIS TIME, hit me soooooooooooo different because of the timing especially & the context of the messages I read with my own two eyes as my whole body started to shake & tears ran down my face ..
I just gave birth to our youngest on March 10th & ultimately I had some very serious complications that resulted in me needing a second emergency surgery two days later & just discovered messaged he had hidden on a secret app on his phone under a dudes name & it completely destroyed me on such a deep deep level when I read him repeatedly begging her to come over that same night that I had my second surgery in which he had called me & I was just crying & so depressed because I was scared of what the outcome might be while also being in the hospital after just giving birth by myself for the entire week I was there because my oldest son got pink eye & couldn’t go to daycare & supposedly my fiancé was “too sick to come visit me or our newborn son in the hospital” until a week later when I got released .. but to see that he wasn’t sick enough to ask her to come over to OUR HOME & specifically told her that I was still in the hospital so I wouldn’t be coming home that night.. that broke me. I confronted him about it obviously but he claims he would “never ever have another female come into our home” & that he only said that because he knew she wouldn’t be able to ((might I add that she’s currently pregnant with her husband & hers 4th child that’s due in June)) & I also saw messages where he had apologized to HER for “not telling her sooner about me being pregnant & told her how he wasn’t happy about it at all & had been trying to avoid it all together for as long as possible” & the other most hurtful message I read from the last year of messages in which I only saw a snippets worth was when he sent her a picture of my older son & him & said “I just gave him a kiss & told him it’s from his future step mommy” .. reading that destroyed me & I found all of these messages only two days after being home from the hospital & we have now 3 kids together & have been together for the last 10 years .. & we have been through soooo much together & with having that second emergency surgery from my entire abdominal wall collapsing & my entire cesarean incision ripping whose open causing my bowels & intestines to come spilling out .. has now caused me to not be able to have any more children ever again or my doctor & surgeon said it would kill me if I tried .. so now I want to somehow be able to work through this & come out stronger on the other end like I’ve read so many other have been able to accomplish.. but I just don’t kno how to tell what he truly wants & im second guessing every word that he says to me now & I’m also struggling with postpartum depression now too .. normally I’m very good with dealing with chaos & my emotions but for some reason, all of this has just overwhelmed me soooo much that I’ve basically just shut down & I truly do not know what the right thing to do is now because I’ve invested basically our entire adult lives together & we started liking each other when we were just 13 (& we’re 34 now) & I sincerely love him more than anything with the exception of my kids & he was the most exceptionally loving, caring, genuine kindhearted gentleman for the first 7-8 years together but the past year & a half I noticed that everything flipped to the complete polar opposite of how he has been towards me for all those years prior .. & I just don’t kno what to do. I love him & I would loveee to be able to work through this together but if I’m being completely honest with myself I do not know if he would even sincerely loves me anymore because he stopped showing me basically all affection the last year too .. stopped sleeping in bed with me, doesn’t hold my hand anymore or hold my thigh while driving or cuddle with me on the couch or even sit on the same couch as me & seems like the only time he even touches me now is when he wants fucked. & I’m also not gna be anyone’s toy to just seemingly use & not show any love towards at all .. & I’m just so embarrassed that he could & would do this to me & im looking for any & all advice that I can get!!!!
I should probably note that when we got back together after being apart for a couple months but never ever like stopped communicating or seeing one another so we were cheating on our “respective partners” before we ultimately left them to be with one another .. but that was also over 10 years ago now .. & from the time we met when we were 13, we did cheat on every partner we dated with each other until we finally committed to one another fully so I’m no saint but idk I guess I believed once we started having kids together that that brought our already exceptional “once in a lifetime fairy tale soulmate kind of love” ((that’s what he’s always told me that we have & always told me I was the only woman he’s ever wanted to marry or ever even thought about being with forever)) to a whole norther level once we started creating perfect little tiny humans together & we bought a house together 9 years ago & have been I thought. building a real solid life together on top of what I used to believe was our extremely solid & firm foundation of our bond & emotional connection & the sex has been for the both of us the best of our lives with each other than anyone else we’ve ever been with .. & now with kids involved & me now not being able to ever have another child of my own ever again .. & with how long we’ve invested into one another & just simply how deeply I love him with the deepest depths of my heart & soul & with how exceptional he always treated me like his queen for all those years before this bullshit .. I mean even our friends could not believe that he would ever cheat on me because they always said he was always soooo different with me .. but I’m also tired of looking so stupid for staying if this is going to keep happened but at the same time I want aoooo badly to believe that he truly means it this time & we can get back on track & still have the forever future we have always planned to have together & now with our children ..
Please help me figure out what I’m supposed to do .. it’s just so hard for me to accept that the man I’ve loved my entire adult life has become someone whom looks the same as always but in terms of character & attitude & behavior, I do not recognize him at alllllll with any of this toxic behavior because it’s something I never had experienced with him for all those 7-8 years in the beginning so it’s hard for me to just “let go” of what I thought would be forever ..
Please help with any advice .. & be honest, don’t sugarcoat anything because I’m a very direct person .. I would much rather be told the ugliest truth rather than hear a million pretty little lies .. I’m just overwhelmed with all of this & with a newborn who isn’t sleeping & after being told I will never be able to have any more babies .. i feel like I’m stuck in this deep dark hole with seemingly no way out & I don’t know how to fix it ..
